Handling Rejection, the Key to Success

By Jaluum Herberts Luwizza. Twitter_@jaluwizza Tel:+256-787555919 ..

Rejection, one of the most dreaded emotions in life. I have seen many people hold back in life due to the fear of rejection. The fear of having the door slammed in their faces, the fear of having to be said no to, the fear of not being liked back. I think one of the greatest traits of successful people is the ability to gracefully deal with rejection and not let it get to them. Imagine what would happen if you knew the chances of being told yes we're 100%. How many of us would think twice before going after what we want and desire to have!?

As a little teen growing up and being exposed to the adult life, I started trying to date the girls I liked. I was only natural, but then it hit me that not every girl I fancied liked me back and not each one of them I showed interest in was going reciprocate my show of interest and like me back. Actually most of the few I professed my feelings to said NO. They were either afraid of the school policy that was against teen relationships at school,was afraid of their parents, or like me were also just figuring out what liking boys really meant. So this meant they were skeptical about this whole relationship thing and others outrightly didn't feel the same way about me which is natural and very OK.

To some extent this did bother me though and even affected my self esteem. May be I wasn't that good looking after all. May be I wasn't that likeable. May be my game like we used to call it when we were teenagers wasn't that good after all. It started eating me up, and I stopped approaching the girls because I couldn't handle this any more. I couldn't just handle another NO, another rejection.

So I started reading online dating blogs, roosh V was my favourite. I learned a lot from him especially the art of dealing with reaction. Roosh taught me that dating was about meeting as many girls as I could and that the more girls I approached the high chances I faced of being rejected but also the higher chances I had of scoring and that rejection was just but part of the game. Most importantly it wasn't about me, a grave mistake I had made making my self believe that the rejections were all about me. Yeah, some girls were just not ready, some feared the harsh school rules. Even in my adult life I got to understand that some girls actually said no because they were in settled relationships, they were just coming out of horrible relationships and didn't want to jump right back into any relationship with any one, some were not straight and we're just not into men, and how was that my fault. It was never always about my looks, how I talked or walked. Some didn't just think I was their type,I also didn't run after just any girls so they also had the right to choice like I did.

When I understood some of these things I started viewing rejection in a whole new way. I actually started looking for rejection. The only way to get over your fears is to face them heads on and I was going to do just that to my fear for rejection and grow a thick skin. When you want some thing so bad all you can do is grow a thick skin for rejection like a honey burger grew thick skin for bee stings thanks to its love for honey. So me and a few friends started a competition . Yes you read it right,competing to get rejected hahaha. Whoever was going to be rejected more than the others would win the contest. The person that got the most rejections won outright. So we hit out and started chasing the girls haha and with every rejection came a celebration because it meant you were a step closer to winning. All in at the end of the friendly competition what we grew was thick skin for rejection. We had sort of neutralised it. I mean it had become normal, not that strange feeling that held us back.

That was the turning point in my life. I started going after whatever I wanted without fearing the worst. I started appreciating the fact that NO wasn't that catastrophic and neither was it the end of the world. I actually realised that behind the biggest NO always lay a YES only if you could keep going at it. The girls that vehemently said no to me are the ones I ended up dating, the clients that said no to me are the ones I ended up selling to. The things I kept failing at are the ones I ended up succeeding at, the people that I badly disagreed with are the ones who turned around and said yes to me. But all this happened because I had appreciated the fact NO wasn't the end of the world and it could actually turn into a YES.

How many times have you tried out something and it didn't seem like it works only to persist and get it working finally huraahhh! So don't give up. Rejection is just but an emotion you can control and learning how to do so is the key to achieving all you life goals and desires. Go for it, chase that girl you want. Go after that job you want even though you have seen 100 of your earlier applications rejected. Trust me as you keep pushing you will finally get that YES, but only if you don't let the fear of being told NO hold you back.

Jaluum Herberts luwizza is a writer, Speaker and Business consultant with YOUNG TREP 

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